An Extremely Brief Synopsis of the Christmas Special

Posted by Emily Sizemore


Ok, lots of ships, tons of aliens, essentially the Pandorica all over again. Clara needs a boyfriend, due to the fact she kinda sort of made one up, so calls the Doctor, who shows up naked (Reminder: send of brain bleach to Clara) which freaks out her family (No explanation needed there). Doctor and Clara run off, go to "Church" (AKA spaceship of awesomeness) hang out with some lady obsessed with war paint, teleport to this planet, get attack by Weeping Angels, summon TARDIS and- MATT SMITH IS BALD (Reminder: Buy brain bleach for self). The Doctor and Clara land in a town called Christmas which is surrounded by a truth field, find a crack in the universe in a church which is holding Galifray filled with Timelords asking Doctor Who? This is needed for confirmation that they have the right universe, but no one wants them back and if they came back the Time War would start all over again. Oh, and SURPRISE the planet's name is Tresalore! [Not sure on spelling, but y'all are smart and can probably figure it out] The Doctor sends Clara back to the TARDIS and sends her back home to keep her safe. He fights the aliens and tells the children stories and dances the same dance he did atAmy and Rory's wedding (These aren't tears. THEY ARE NOT TEARS! *sniffle*). Clara flew through the time vortex on the TARDIS, delaying it by three hundred years, finally shows up, and goes with the Doctor to visit War Paint Lady, who is now a Dalek along with everyone else in Church. She fights off Dalek control inside of her and saves the Doctor and Clara. AND THE DOCTOR LEAVES CLARA AND THERE'S THE LITTLE BOY AND ALL THE DRAWINGS AND OH MY EYES AND CLARA IS CRYING AND SHE GOES BACK AGAIN AND I CAN'T BREATHE AND SHE GOES TO BE WITH HIM WHEN THE DOCTOR DIES AND READS HIM A POEM ABOUT ELEVEN'S HOUR ENDING AND SOMEONE FIND A FLUFFY CREATURE TO CRY INTO AND HE GOES TO BE KILLED BY THE DALEKS AND CLARA SCREAMS AT TIMELORDS AND THIS IS WHAT IT MUST FEEL LIKE TO DIE AND THE TIMELORDS GIVE THE DOCTOR MORE REGENERATIONS AND HE SAVES EVERYONE FROM THE DALEKS AND IT'S ALL BURNING AND CLARA FINDS THE DOCTOR IN THE TARDIS AND HE'S EATING FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD AND HE SEES ALL THE DRAWINGS BY THE CHILDREN WHO LOVED HIM AMD LITTLE AMELIA POND IS RUNNING THROUGH THEM AND I CAN'T STOP CRYING AND HE SAYS GOODBYE TO CLARA AND AMY POND ALL GROWN UP STROKES HIS FACE AND DON'T YOU DARE DROP THAT BOW TIE RAGGEDY MAN WE ALL LOVE YOU DON'T LEAVE US!!! Oh look, Peter Capaldi.

Episode Recap -- "Bells of Saint John" (S706)

Posted by Emily Sizemore

As anticipation grows for the fiftieth anniversary special, then the Christmas special where we will say goodbye to the much loved Matt Smith, I believe it is time for us to revisit what has happened this year. With that, here is a recap of the first episode of the latest season, 'The Bells of Saint John'

This episode opens with a video. A warning. About the Wifi. And it isn't about the government watching us through the Wifi. That's new. So apparently, if a wifi network shows up with that is just a bunch of strange symbols you don't want to click it (Even if it is free).  Why not click it? If you do you will die within twenty four hours and you soul will be uploaded to the internet. Sounds fun.

The Doctor appears to be hiding out in Cumbria 1207, as a monk. Well sort of a monk. He stays in the basement. Until the bells of Saint John ring. Surprise! The bells of Saint John is the TARDIS telephone! And here's another surprise. Clara, the girl twice dead, is on the line and just as confused as the Doctor. She been told this was the Internet help line or something. A woman gave the number to her saying it was the best help she knew. (Sounds like River, doesn't it?) Since the other Wifi is locked, Clara ends up clicking on the evil Wifi. But the Doctor has shown up, so everything should be alright. And since, he was doing his mad man in a box routine, Clara locks him out of the house. (Good Clara! Oh wait, he's helping. Bad Clara!) And that's when the creepy little girl shows up. (Why does this show always have a creepy little child every season?) Turns out, the creepy little child is a soul taking, Wifi robot thing and she's here to kill Clara and upload her soul to the Internet. And where's the Doctor why Clara is being killed? He's changing clothes. (Not a good idea to change clothes once your friend has clicked on the evil Wifi.) By the time he's done, Clara is already dead and is being uploaded to the Internet. But the Doctor fixes everything with his amazing computer skills and brings her back! (Now can we call her the girl three times dead?) Clara wakes up later in the day, and can't remember what happened to her. (And the Doctor invented the quadricycle in his spare time.)

Clara comes down to the Doctor and he explains the whole evil Wifi thing to her. Then another creepy soul taking, Wifi robot thing shows up, and the Doctor wants Clara to get in the box aka the TARDIS. She doesn't seem to like the idea of being crammed in a small box with a strange man, until a plane starts coming for them and the Doctor drags her in with him. She starts yelling stuff about bigger on the inside, the Doctor flies the TARDIS into the plane trying to kill them, and drags Clara back out again. (Really Doctor? The plane is trying to kill you so where do you go? To the plane itself.) The plane is crashing and guess what? The Doctor doesn't know how to fly a plane. (You would think you might have time for flying lessons if you lived a thousand years but apparently not.) He manages to not crash the plane until the pilot wakes up, before running of to the TARDIS again. He skips to breakfast, grabs a motorcycle and away they go.

The Doctor tries to figure out where the evil wifi people are but he can't get a physical location. Clara knows how though. The Doctor runs off to get coffee, and has a chat with the evil Wifi lady through people she takes over. (Can you say majorly creepy?) Clara finds the location of the evil Wifi people by checking their Facebooks and seeing where they are at. (Did no one tell these people that if you work at a top secret factuality, you don't want to post it on Facebook?) But before she can use this information a soul taking, Wifi robot version of the Doctor shows up and fulling uploads Clara into the Internet. (The girl four times dead. When will she stop dying?) The Doctor rides off on his motorcycle to this place called the Shard, which is where the evil Wifi people are hiding out. Evil Wifi lady tells the Doctor that there is no way for him to get in, because the building is under lockdown. Surprise! It's an anti gravity motorcycle! He can just drive up the building! The Doctor crashes through a window into evil Wifi lady's office and demands that she release Clara. Evil Wifi lady says that the only way she can release Clara would be to un-download the whole cloud and there is no way she is going to do that. Surprise! The Doctor isn't actually the Doctor, it's the soul taking, Wifi robot Doctor! Soul taking, Wifi robot Doctor downloads evil Wifi lady to the cloud, which gives her enough motivation to release everyone in the cloud. (Probability that a whovian is ever going to store something in the cloud again: Very, very low.) Then this thing called the Great Intelligence, which is what was controlling the evil Wifi and all who worked with the evil Wifi, removes itself from evil Wifi lady and Co. (Haven't we heard of the Great Intelligence before?) None of them know why they are there. Looks like the Great Intelligence just takes over your mind. And evil Wifi lady? The Great Intelligence was in her mind since she was a child. I guess she wasn't so evil after all.

Clara is alive and well again though and considering whether or not to travel with the Doctor. "Come back tomorrow." She says. (But we all know what she will decide don't we?)

And here is a bonus. Look at who wrote this book featured in the episode.